Personal essay written for an anthology of writings by members of the musician collective Mutual Mentorship for Musicians.

Blog post written for Gabriela Lena Frank Creative Academy of Music after a one year fellowship in composition.

I wrote this essay in April of 2015, when I began to access a depth of musical exploration that I’d been afraid of for many years. After a brief hiatus, I’m slowly getting back to that depth, intentionality and patience with my practice of music. Perhaps the habit of listening is one that can easily be forgotten if it is not constantly nurtured, but rediscovering the insights of my younger self is helping me forgive myself and move forward in this process.